One of my favorite stories currently on CarDebater is about NASCAR driver Kurt Busch’s claims that he couldn’t have possibly have allegedly abused his former girlfriend because she is a trained assassin. Let me be very clear about this in case you are unfamiliar with the story and don’t want to click on the link to the original.
Busch said in court, while under oath, that he couldn’t possibly have allegedly abused or harmed his girlfriend because she is a trained assassin. Here is the ESPN article, just in case you are really confused. If this theater of the absurd needs a little more probing, CarDebater is going to be the one to do it.
Here are 10 things that are more believable than Kurt Busch’s girlfriend being the deadliest woman in the world.
10. Dale Earnhardt, Jr.’s girlfriend is replicating dinosaur DNA to build an actual Jurassic Park
9. Carl Edwards has never successfully completed a front flip, but he can backflip into your heart everytime
8. Kyle Busch secretly hates M&M’s but loves when the bag is filled with W&W’s
7. Denny Hamlin is one of three people in the world that has been banned from every Denny’s restaurant west of the Mississippi River and north of South Dakota. These are the other two
6. Ryan Newman and Wayne Knight (Newman from Seinfeld) have never been photographed together
5. Joey Logano is only able to turn his head in one direction
4. Kevin Harvick was heartbroken when he realized what four-abreast actually meant
3. Jimmie Johnson is the seventh most requested birthday clown currently driving in NASCAR
2. Danica Patrick is actually the assassin that Kurt Busch is thinking of
1. Anything. Anything is literally more believable than Kurt Busch’s girlfriend being the deadliest woman in the world
Obviously we are having some fun with this guy. But if you are going to try to claim to the world that you are dating Xena: Warrior Princess and that is why you couldn’t possibly have slammed her head into a wall, you’re as big of a dick as you are an idiot, Kurt.