Kim Kardashian Breaks Internet, So Nissan Breaks Her

	2015 Nissan GT-R	2015 Kim Kardashian
Engine	3.8L Twin-Turbocharged V6	The E! Network
Output	600 hp / 481 lb-ft	North West
Seating Capacity	Four Passengers	Two Honeybaked Hams
"If there were any justice in the world, ______"	"...I'd get to drive a GT-R just once before Satan called me home."	"...I'd have no idea who this fucking person is."

Nissan, God bless ‘em. While most of us were glibly dismissing the latest Kim Kardashian media assault as so much baby-oiled piffle (or, perhaps more likely, going “Incognito Mode” at work), the fine folks of Nissan Corporate were happy to mock Ray J’s scraps as she humbly claimed that she could, quote/unquote, “#BreakTheInternet.”

Okay, they said. Let’s see what you’ve got. Our internet is mighty, and shan’t be broken by your brazen (and bronzen?) attempts to shift our focus from the task at hand. Which is, namely, to opportunistically promote our badass supercar. And, if we get to toss a little shade at America’s most bewildering cultural export, well, that would be pretty terrific as well.

Hate to break it to you, @KimKardashian. #BreakTheInternet (cc: @papermagazine) pic.twitter.com/WOWFy5p6FB

— Nissan (@Nissan) November 12, 2014

 

Oh, shiiiit. You hear that? That whimpering you faintly hear in the distance is Kanye West throwing a “fish sticks”-style tantrum about the fact that Nissan would deign itself worthy of comparing his beloved’s considerable ass to, well, the back of a fucking car. While there might be more damning comparisons to make when a woman’s ass is concerned–insert Yo Momma joke here–Nissan’s slight has gone global several times over. While one of our competitors set out to break the internet, the more cynical competitor might have been satisfied to simply break the pokerface of the other.

This comparison was over before it started, and poor Kim-K never truly had a chance. When Nissan put the martini glass on the rear spoiler, you knew that this was only the least-offensive option of a half-dozen IMDb-trolling digs that might have required their own diss track on Kanye’s next brilliant and mostly unlistenable album.

Game, Nissan.