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Will She Dig It? The Dodge Stealth

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Will She Dig It Dodge Stealth

Welcome to the latest installment in our ongoing “Will She Dig It?” series, where we take a look at cars and trends from the past that were, for better or worse, perceived to be chick magnets. This month, we turn our snickering side-eye toward the Dodge Stealth.

Although it can be sometimes lost in the nostalgic haze of early-90s whimsy, there was a time where being “Stealth” carried some weight. We had aircraft shaped like razorblades; they were stealth. Submarines that looked like sharks? They were stealth, too. There were even Stealth Bomber-themed fruit snacks, which I devoured even though the idea of a black fruit snack is fucking disgusting. Simply put, the ubiquitousness of “Stealth”–by definition, something trying to go undetected–was pretty much anything but.

In the meantime, “Stealth” hasn’t endured. Frat guys contributing foreign elements to a girl’s drink? That’s stealth. The criminally shitty movie where Jessica Biel takes a waterfall bath and inexplicably doesn’t go full-nude? That’s Stealth. “Stealth,” as a cultural signifier, is best left to the 90s.

Will She Dig It Dodge Stealth

“If you call my combat wing a ‘spoiler’ one more time, we’re gonna tangle.”

As it would seem, so too was the Dodge Stealth. When Dodge went through its early-90s renaissance–most evident in the Ram truck and the phallic Viper–the Stealth was a more accessible and affordable option. It was essentially a rebadged Mitsubishi 3000GT, and it was fast. In the mostly comical mid-90s boom of two-door coupes, the Stealth was the most Matchbox of all of them, something of a working-man’s Viper, which was itself the working-man’s Corvette. Factor in the cheesy-in-hindsight side vents, available all-wheel drive and jet-inspired cockpit, and the result is something of a Ricky “Wild Thing” Vaughn in automobile form.

All this is to say, the Dodge Stealth is somehow awesome. It’s so over-the-top that it manages to be somewhat quaint today. Even its awkward mid-trunk spoiler–which, no lie, they labeled the fucking “combat wing”–is charmingly ballsy in an old-guy-with-a-fauxhawk sort of way. Everything about the car screams, “You’re goddamn right I’m listening to ‘Bawitdaba,” and strange as it seems, the Stealth’s outsized ego is endearing.

quoteOf course, the Stealth’s swollen eroticism couldn’t last. By 1996, the American sports car market had dried up, and the Stealth was discontinued. The writing was also on the wall for many of its chief competitors, such as the Toyota Supra and Mazda RX-7. The Stealth’s legacy is a curious one, mostly because its brief lifespan was in an era that most gearheads aren’t particularly fond of.

But will she dig it? It’s the opinion of this writer that she will, even as she claims otherwise. Ignore the irresponsible fuel economy, two-ton weight and somewhat clumsy suspension, and enjoy the Stealth for what it is: a devil-may-care excuse to indulge the part of all of us that is comically unconcerned with speeding tickets, illegitimate children or urinary tract infections. Because, at its very essence, the Dodge Stealth is about our more carnal urges, about flexing in the mirror, and about winking at its on-the-nose moniker.

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And am I listening to “Bawitdaba?” You’re goddamn right I am.

Join us next month for “Will She Dig It?” We’ll be looking at the confounding trend of accent decals on cars and trucks, particularly as it applies to the Ford Ranger Splash.

Tyler is a writer and pastor's kid who infrequently writes about being a pastor's kid. A full-time automotive journalist, Tyler buoys himself with car facts that might kill a more reasonable person.

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1 Comment

1 Comment

  1. Ben

    Oct 27, 2014 at 10:08 pm

    Brilliant

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Car WTFs

The Most Interesting Aspects of the Dodge Demon

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hellcat demon engine

Many of us thought that the Dodge Challenger Hellcat was about as intimidating as a car could get. After all, people couldn’t hardly get them off the lot without crashing them when they first came out. Then Dodge upped the ante with the new Demon. But aside from the raw power, there are some other interesting aspects of the new Demon.

Check out the video below for a full rundown of just how unique this car is.

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Car WTFs

Mercedes Names May Be Getting More Confusing

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mercedes naming gls coupe

Think you finally have your Mercedes names mastered? Well, a new challenge appears to be coming, friend.

How to now identify Mercedes models by name

Some moves in the northwoods of Canada by the brand appear to signal a change in the naming conventions that will be used for Mercedes and AMG models. Candian trademarks have been filed for  A 40, CLA 40, SLC 40, SLC 50 and GLE 50 in addition to CLA 53, G73 and S73.

If this proves true in the states, it would signal an end to the rule of two digits for Mercedes, three-digits for AMG counterparts. The new world would be two digits, ending in a “0” for Mercedes, and two digits ending in a “3” for AMG. This supports rumors of  an AMG ‘73’ model with a hybrid powertrain.

While this change isn’t terribly difficult to comprehend, it certainly makes things interesting when comparing legacy and upcoming Mercedes models. There are a lot of numbers to keep straight, and a lot of explaining to do. And the letter and number combos leave something to be desired in terms of cachet.

Oh, it’s got cachet baby!

It makes one appreciate the simplicity of giving each vehicle an actual name, like the domestic manufacturers do. Sure, that’s how we ended up with the Chevy Nova, but what are you going to do? There are only so many names, surely one for an automobile would end up meaning “no go” in some language, right?…

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Car WTFs

What’s with Toyota’s weird shifter pattern?

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"What's the Toyota's weird shifter pattern?" image of 2011 Toyota Camry shifter

I like my car. It’s a 2011 Toyota toaster, I mean Camry. If you made a list of everything a car has to do, the Camry would check all the boxes. It gets me from point A to point B with the consistency a learning golfer would envy. It’s a toaster. You put in the bread, choose your level of toastiness, push down the thingy and then wait for it to pop up. But there is one interesting thing about my car. The shifter. That’s it up there. That is definitely not conventional at all. So, what’s with Toyota’s weird shifter pattern? (more…)

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