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Unpopular Opinion: The Cheeseburger Guy Had It Coming

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Cheeseburger traffic ticket

A Cobb County, Georgia man made headlines last week for his run-in with the law after being spotted devouring a cheeseburger while driving.

H. Madison Turner was cited by an officer for his failure to “exercise due care in operating a motor vehicle,” in accordance with the state law, which also states that drivers “shall not engage in any actions which shall distract such driver from the safe operation of such vehicle.”

The ticket in question.

The ticket in question.

Naturally, the ordeal drew a great deal of public attention and press coverage, prompting a litany of web commenters railing shrilly against the “police state” that will surely bring us all to our knees if we don’t defend the rights of men like Turner everywhere to eat whatever they damn well please while driving.

Yes, it brings up matters of what constitutes distracted driving. And yes, that area can get uncomfortably hazy. But I have to say, my own discomfort doesn’t come from wondering which of my favorite foods I’ll be forbidden from eating while driving. It comes from wondering what all the fools out there on the road with me are trying to gulp down behind the wheel of a moving vehicle.

At the time of his citation, Turner had recently stopped at a nearby McDonalds and had purchased for himself a Double Quarter Pounder. Now my math isn’t always so hot, so correct me if I’m wrong, but “double quarter” sounds an awfully lot like a half. Half a pound of meat, presumably with cheese and other slimy condiments, held together with a bun and gripped in one hand that’s also supposed to help steer the car, being shoved toward a face that’s supposed to be watching the road.

The above sounds like reasonable grounds for a distracted driving situation, even if Turner had argued he’d been fully attentive to the road. But he didn’t even do that. Here’s what he told ABC affiliate WSB-TV:

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“Maybe I was enjoying the burger too much. I needed to tone it down.”

Whatever, I’m not blaming the guy for getting super into a burger. I know personally that when I get a quarter pounder in front of me, the rest of the world tends to fade away. I’ve definitely got both hands on the thing, and I can see little in my periphery until its gone. One might say I need to tone it down, but hell if I can hear them. The burger and I are one, and we are dancing.

That’s all the more reason I don’t defend him. As someone who’s been known to enjoy a burger too much, I feel certain I would not want to meet myself on the road while so entranced. I’m inclined to believe that the cop –  who, by the way, was apparently able to recognize that Turner was eating a cheeseburger from two miles away –  saw someone who was clearly giving at least half his attention to a half pound of beef when under the law he was required not to engage in distracting activities. Doesn’t sound like much of a vicious trampling-on of rights.

In conclusion, we need more White Castle franchises in these United States. Tiny little burgers you can eat like popcorn, or discreetly ball into your fist when you get pulled over.

 

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Melissa is a writer from a nice wooded area. Her first ride, if you don't count the albino pony, was a 1981 Dodge Diplomat. It had only two doors despite being the size of a barge and a spacious three-person bench up front.

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Miscellaneous

Are You Getting Ripped-Off Buying a Used Hybrid?

Is buying a used hybrid worth it?

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2021 Mitsubishi Oultander PHEV charging

Right now is an unprecedented time in every aspect of the automotive industry. New vehicle inventory is in short supply, and prices are rising. The available crop of used vehicles is thin, and prices are rising. Electric cars are coming soon, and those prices will probably be up there for a while as well. And, how could we forget that the cost of gasoline is anything other than an actual living nightmare? None of that changes the fact that people need vehicles, and they need them to be as fuel-efficient as humanly possible. So, is buying a used hybrid worth it? If you can find something in your price range, absolutely. However, like anything else in the automotive world, buying a used hybrid sedan, hatchback or SUV will have pros and cons.

Reasons Buying a Used Hybrid is Worth it

The first and most apparent reason buying a used hybrid vehicle is worth it comes down to price. Even with the secondary auto market as hot as it is right now, a pre-owned vehicle is still very likely cheaper than a brand-new version of the same model. That’s just the nature of automotive depreciation, and nobody likes it, and we all have to live with it. Let’s look at a few more reasons not to overlook a used hybrid platform.

  • Used Hybrids Are Still Super Efficient — Even with a few thousand miles on the odometer, a pre-owned hybrid platform is still going to be able to deliver excellent fuel economy scores. Given the forecast for the price of gas, every stop at the gas station that can be avoided is helpful.
  • Lower Chance of Problems — A lot of hybrid platforms have proven themselves to be a bit easier to maintain. Several studies have shown that those components last longer because hybrid systems capture energy from the brakes and transmission to recharge the battery system.
  • Long-Lasting Warranties — Automakers have been very generous in providing long warranties for their hybrid models, many lasting between 100,000 and 150,000 miles. Any remaining coverage from the original warranty can often be passed to subsequent owners.

What Should I Watch Out for When Buying a Used Hybrid?

A certain amount of due diligence goes into buying a pre-owned vehicle. However, when purchasing a used hybrid vehicle, paying particular attention to the various electrical components is crucial. Finding a neutral mechanic with experience servicing hybrid cars will be essential to making a sound decision. Additionally, don’t make any decision about buying a used hybrid vehicle without seeing a vehicle history report.

Are Hybrids Expensive to Repair?

Every hybrid car has a battery system, usually nickel-metal-hydride or lithium ion. The former is less expensive to repair than the latter in most cases. In terms of price, a replacement hybrid battery system can cost between $1,000 and $5,000. However, some batteries can have individual cells replaced, which is significantly less expensive.

All in all, a used hybrid that has been well-maintained is an excellent option. However, like buying anything used vehicle, a certain amount of caution must be taken to ensure you aren’t stuck with a lemon.

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Miscellaneous

Always Be Yourself — Unless You Can Be Batman

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Chibatman Drives Through City

Real Batman in Japan

ChibatmanWay to go parents, you screwed up again! Growing up, they always told me to be myself. But they never told me I could be Batman. If I would have known I could be Batman, I WOULD HAVE BEEN BATMAN.

But whatever. At least this guy in Japan didn’t listen to such terrible advice. He realized long ago that if you want to be Batman, you can just go ahead and do that. So for the past three years or so, this Chiba, Japan citizen, who has now been dubbed Chibatman, has taken to the streets in full Dark Knight gear, including his own version of the Batcycle/Batpod.

While most of Chibatman’s attire looks like it was taken straight from the set of the Dark Knight, he made some alterations to his ride. By choosing a three-wheeled motorcycle rather than the two-wheeled Batpod from the Dark Knight movie, Chibatman is not required by law to wear a helmet. Because a vigilante with a helmet is sad.

Batpod Flips Against Wall

Come on…

Also, the real Batman in Japan won’t be able to recreate that stupid scene from The Dark Knight where Batman runs this motorcycle into the wall and turns it around. Worst part of the movie.

Although he waits patiently in traffic and doesn’t do vigilante things like stand watch atop buildings, he is a true inspiration for those of us who drive ho-hum sedans without capes.

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Miscellaneous

10 Best Automotive Moments In Pro Wrestling

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Think of some of the most awesome moments in pro wrestling from the past couple decades. If you’re a fan, at least one of your top 10 probably involves some sort of vehicle. In a world where theatrics trump everything, mystery limos, sports cars, and monster trucks are as much a part of pro wrestling as suplexes, backhand chops (WHOOOOO!!), and chokeslams. Here are the 10 best automotive moments in pro wrestling, and that’s the bottom line, cuz CarDebater.com said so!

10. John Cena Drives Mustang Into Wrestlemania 23

After revving the engine and burning some rubber in the streets around Ford Field, Cena drives a Ford Mustang into the stadium and through a glass panel letting everyone know the Champ is Here!

9. Goldberg’s Monster Truck Destroys Rick Steiner’s Car

For a few years in WCW,  no wrestler was more dominant than Goldberg. In his prime, Goldberg repeatedly asked us “Who’s Next?” and ran over people’s cars with his monster truck. I’m not sure if this is more impressive than his spear/jackhammer combo, but it’s pretty cool watching Goldberg demolish Rick Steiner’s car. At least Steiner was nicknamed The Dog-Faced Gremlin. I wish people called me the Dog-Faced Gremlin…

8. Undertaker Takes Last Ride in Hearse

The main event of No Mercy 2004 ended with Taker being driven away in a hearse, but it took some classically shady JBL antics. Just when it looked like Taker was going to load Bradshaw into the hearse, Heidenreich (who?) comes out of the hearse and gives the Dead Man the ol’ chloroform rag to the face. Taker sits up inside the hearse and comes back for more, but the deadly Heidenreich and JBL duo proves to be too much for Undertaker. After getting driven backstage, Heidenreich rams a truck into the hearse. Classic Heidenreich.

7. NWO Drives Semi Into The Rock’s Ambulance

In a less impressive second run as a stable, the aging NWO proved that it was “4 Life” when the faction battled The Rock in the WWE. On this particular evening, Hogan and his gang of miscreants roughed up the Brahma Bull real bad. After the paramedics loaded The Rock into an ambulance, NWO members cut off the emergency vehicle to prevent it from leaving the arena. Hollywood Hogan hops in a semi and rams it into the ambulance a couple times, laying the Smackdown on the Rock…Brother.

6. Hulk Hogan Runs Over Undertaker’s Motorcycle

Before Undertaker lost to Brock Lesnar at Wrestlemania (a simpler time) and he was in his badass biker stage, Taker and Hulk Hogan were mixed up in a doozy of a feud. Hogan had Taker’s motorcycle and was driving around backstage like a lunatic looking for the Dead Man. When Hogan couldn’t find him, he decided to get behind the wheel of an 18-wheeler and destroy the motorcycle, forcing it to Rest. In. Peace.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Rc-z5WVb1d8

5. Mr. McMahon’s Limo Blows up and Kills Him. Except Not.

This whole shit was really weird and terrible. In short, Vince felt bad about himself and organized a “Mr. McMahon Appreciation Night.” But no one appreciated Vinny Mac and as he methodically strutted to his limo to leave the arena, you knew something was about to go down. Boom! His limo blows up, the lights faded to black, and Vince McMahon is dead.

WWE.com reported the explosion as if it actually happened and some news outlets followed suit. After weeks of tributes and a fricken memorial service for this not dead person, WWE scrapped the storyline when Chris Benoit made everything a bit too real. It was a dumb idea that turned out to be in bad taste, but there is “No Chance in Hell” I was leaving it off the list.

4. DX Invades Nitro in Army Jeep

In an ongoing battle between WWE and WCW for pro wrestling supremacy in the late 1990s, DX invaded WCW Monday Nitro in military gear on the back of a Marine utility vehicle with two words for the rival company. As part of the war for Monday Night ratings, this unprecedented move by HHH and his crew is still talked about as one of the most legendary moments in Monday night wrestling history.

3. Kurt Angle Soaks the Alliance in Milk

I’ll get to the far superior Stone Cold beer truck episode, but Kurt Angle driving a milk truck to the ring and spraying delicious dairy all over Stone Cold and the Alliance is certainly worth a top three spot. You’ve probably already seen this, but it’s worth watching to see Stone Cold berate Taz.

2. Stone Cold Fills Mr. McMahon’s Corvette with Cement

Welcome to the top two, also known as the the Stone Cold portion of the list. As one of many acts of defiance by the Texas Rattlesnake, he drove a cement truck into the arena and filled McMahon’s Corvette with concrete. After the Corvette is completely filled and covered in cement, Mankind tries to fetch the keys, leaving JR to sympathetically say, “Mick’s just somewhere else, bless his heart.” So much awesome here.

1 . Stone Cold’s Beer Truck

Not only is this one of the most iconic automotive moments in pro wrestling history, it’s one of the most memorable from the Attitude Era. While being sprayed by beer from a hose is a dream of mine, the Corporation didn’t share my idea of a good time. Note the high pitched screams, Vince’s spectacular reaction, and the absolute carnage this light mist of beer causes.

There are a few reason’s this is two spots better than Kurt Angle’s Milk Truck

1. It’s beer
2. It was first
3. The acting and commentary is funnier

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Cjz3u8KgLRg

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