Miscellaneous

‘Monster Trucks’ Movie Will Be Shittiest Gift We Get This Christmas

Miscellaneous
@meisejohn

John is a full-time automotive blogger who digs cars, but also spends a disturbing amount of time watching and reading about movies. His first car was a maroon 1993 Buick Skylark which, after a solid seven-year run, was laid to rest in August of 2013.

After giving us our first look at the Ram Rebel—the high-performance off-road pickup that is not at all supposed to be, but absolutely will be compared to the Raptor and Reaper—Fiat Chrysler Automobiles forced us to watch a quick trailer of the upcoming movie “Monster Trucks” which, according to Ram CEO Bob Hegbloom and IMDB, was set to be released this summer. Likely in an effort to devise an actual plot, however, that date was just pushed back a couple of months.

We will now have to wait until Christmas to see this box office bomb on the big screen, and unfortunately, as we’re still about 10 months away from the release date, we’ll likely have to turn a couple of pages on the calendar before the official trailer is made public.

Read More: Monster Trucks Movie Looks Terrible And Does Nothing For The Ram Rebel

With an initial release date of May 29, and a trailer already cut, I was hoping that a preview of “Monster Trucks” would be making its way to the web within a few days of its debut in Detroit. For that reason, a scan of the Paramount Pictures YouTube channel and a Google search of “Monster Trucks monster trailer” became a part of my daily routine. With the latest news about the release, I quickly understood why my searches have been turning up empty, but as a witness to the world premiere of the trailer—a premiere that was conducted with hundreds of cameras in the audience—I thought that evidence of its existence had to be out there somewhere.

poor-decision-rob-lowe-monster-trucks-movie-trailer-star-plot-chrismtas-day-release-date

Soon after eating the sandwich he found on the bus, “Poor Decision Rob Lowe” signed on for “Monster Trucks.”

I spent my morning combing the internet for videos of the Rebel’s Motor City debut, hoping to find one with a pirated clip of the “Monster Trucks” trailer, and after coming across the Ram Rebel reveal video on the FCA YouTube channel, I thought I had struck gold, but to my dismay, right after Hegbloom explains that the Rebel will be a movie star, the clip cuts to the CEO’s closing comments and starves us of the Holy Grail.

Disappointed but still determined, I weeded through a number of other videos. Sadly, I was unable to find what I seeked. Although the majority of the press members in attendance had cameras in their hand while the Rebel was revealed, it seems that no one had them running during the sneak peek of the pickup’s first movie role. Well, either that, or Paramount has pulled any trace of the laughable trailer from the internet.

What’s strange is that the trailer is not the only thing that is being suppressed.

Save for the faces of the cast and crew, information on the “Monster Trucks” IMDB page, and on the internet in general, is hard to come by. As we told you when we first discussed the upcoming flick, the plot is “being kept under wraps,” but just recently, a short synopsis—supposedly from the desk of Paramount Pictures—was leaked, giving us a rough idea of what the movie could be about:

“After an accident at a nearby oil-drilling site displaces a strange and subterranean creature with a taste and a talent for speed, Tripp may have just found the key to getting out of town and a most unlikely friend.”

Keep in mind that it has not been confirmed yet, but as the synopsis doesn’t pertain to anything else that the studio is set to release this year, I have a good feeling that the “most unlikely friend” referred to in the summary is the Ram Rebel. Hegbloom did, after all, tell us on “good authority” that the Rebel helps the hero save the day.

Sounds real fucking captivating.

If you’re familiar with movie release dates, you know that Christmas is a big day for the box office, and although “Monster Trucks” may have the ability to fend off “Alvin and the Chipmunks: Road Chip” and some of the other shit storms that are set to be released on Jesus’s birthday, with J.J. Abrams’s lens-flare-filled Star Wars hitting theaters just a week before, the Ram Rebel and its co-stars are sure to get pushed to the back of the pack.

With “Poor Decision Rob Lowe” already signed on, there is potential for money to be made, but as the audience is sure to consist of nobody but rambunctious eight-year-olds and their pissed-off fathers, if “Monster Trucks” hopes to find its way to the top of the box office, it’s going to need a Christmas miracle.

If you happen to find, or personally possess a clip of the “Monster Trucks” trailer that was shown during the Ram Rebel reveal in Detroit, be sure to let me know so that I can finally put an end to my quest. On the other hand, if you have been looking for the trailer, be sure to check back here as we near December. As soon as I track down the preview that aired in Detroit, or as soon as my daily searches are finally able to locate the official trailer, I will be sure to post the clips so that we can all sit back and laugh at this monstrosity together.

View Comments (1)

1 Comment

  1. Jimmy jim

    Mar 27, 2015 at 9:34 pm

    wow you are a douche. what a shitty story. you sound like sour grapes.

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