Car WTFs

No Trucks Allowed Says New York HOA

Car WTFs

Mike Krumrei is an accomplished writer, former journalist and participation trophy recipient. Despite not driving a vehicle for several years, his theoretical knowledge of the practice allows for a more fluid discussion of the finer points of almost any vehicle including cup holders and vanity mirrors. During his brief driving career, the first car he was in that started on fire was a 1990 Ford Taurus.

It could be my humble rural upbringing. Or the fact that I’m a red-blooded American male. But there is no getting around the reality that I have an affinity for pickup trucks. If I had the means, I would certainly own one. And, yes, I would bitch about having to fill it up with gas only to look confused when someone asks why I don’t get a more fuel-friendly vehicle. This love of the pickup truck brings me to Manlius, New York; which is not in one of the five boroughs. The Kimry Moor Homeowners Association has filed a lawsuit against homeowners David and Arna Orlando for parking their 2014 F-150 in their driveway.

syracuse new york no pickup trucks in driveway

Pickup trucks in the driveway? Not in my backyard!

Yes, you read that correctly. The Orlandos are getting sued and could potentially have their home foreclosed on because they have a pickup truck, a sharp, black extended cab model, legally parked in their own driveway. This isn’t even a lame pissing match about some easement issue with a driveway crossing a property line. The HOA claims they own publicly viewable spaces, like driveways.

This is happening because the land covenant of the homeowners association says driveways are only for “private, passenger-type, pleasure automobiles.” The Orlando’s truck isn’t registered commercial. Neither owner has a commercial driver’s license. These seemingly nice people are being forced to hire a lawyer and being dragged through the civil court system because the HOA is run by assholes doesn’t like pickups being parked where they might be seen.

syracuse new york no pickup trucks in driveway

This is pretty good looking driveway. Wait! Is that a basketball hoop I see?

Elizabeth Doran, a reporter from Syracuse.com, drove around the Orlando’s neighborhood (probably in a coupe or sedan as not to get arrested) and spotted at least one other full-size pickup in another driveway as well as large van and a SUV. The status of those potentially unfortunate souls is unknown. It should also be noted that this clearly isn’t a frivolous, spiteful use of the narrowest definitions of English words because, the Orlandos have the option of parking this gleaming four-wheel drive eyesore in the garage.

The Syracuse.com article quoted the HOA’s hired gun lawyer, Paul Curtin, as saying a pickup truck “is not a passenger vehicle by definition.” It would appear Doran pressed the HOA’s feckless mouthpiece attorney further about the Orlando’s seeming lack of being associated with anything commercial, to which he replied it wasn’t “germane” to the case. It should also be noted that this clearly isn’t a frivolous, spiteful use of the narrowest definitions of English words because, the Orlandos have the option of parking this gleaming four-wheel drive eyesore in the garage.

The Kimry Moor HOA is clearly filled with people whose lives are perfect and are very close to finding cures for famine and disease. Instead, they have put those inconsequential pursuits on hold to root out the true causes of discontent in the world, people with pickup trucks in their legally owned driveways.

Let’s all raise our glasses to heroes at the Kimry Moor Homeowner’s Association and the hard work they are doing to positively ensure nothing larger than Toyota Prius ever sullies the pristine views of somebody else’s tool shed. Assholes.

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