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“Get Me Nic Cage on the Phone!”

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Movie Car Chases

As if it requires clarifying, I’ve never been in a car chase. I’ve never trafficked cocaine, I’ve never had to drive cross-country to stop a girl I loved from marrying the wrong guy, and I generally take a cab when I fear I might run afoul of Johnny Law.

That said, I love car chases, and I especially love them when the stakes are negated by the fact that, don’t worry, it’s just a movie. If Great Britain’s film history enjoys a foundation of dickish gumshoes and condescending superagents, our stateside answers are perps with nothing to lose and cops who scoff at the piling bodycounts of innocent bystanders. Movie car chases, if I might be allowed a small amount of hyperbole, rank just behind the Biblical book of Exodus for the most fun you can have while risking certain death.

Accordingly, crafting a great movie car chase requires care. You don’t just take a few sweet cars, smash them into each other and say, Fuck it, let’s all kiss each other now. If you did, you’d be Michael Bay. (Troubling corollary: You’d also be fucking rich.)

So how do you craft the perfect movie car chase?

French Connection GifTip #1: Employ Iconic Landmarks

The best movie car chases–much like their spiritual sibling, movie sex scenes–aspire to a lone goal: make it memorable. As such, viewers respond to settings where they can lean over and say, “Hey, theatergoer-pouring-Bacardi-into-your-soda, I was once accosted by a homeless Vietnam vet on those exact same streets!” It probably isn’t realistic to assume that locations such as Egypt’s Pyramids, Dubai’s Burj Khalifa or our nation’s capital actually enjoy games of human cat-and-mouse more than anywhere else, per capita. But who wants to see cars running around grain bins or small towns? (Put your hand down, John Mellencamp.) So, to the city we shall go.

Tip #2: You Need an Audience Surrogate

No one I know has ever been in a car chase. The circles I run in, our lives suffer from a criminal lack of derring-do. However, we all know what a car chase would be like, because the most effective chases put you in the seat of someone involved. Whether you view from the vantage of Burt Reynolds’ furry upper lip in Smokey and the Bandit or from the brim of Popeye Doyle’s porkpie hat in French Connection, being inside the car makes the exhilaration real. Oh, and remember when Charlie Sheen simultaneously drove and had sex with a chick during The Chase? I remember that scene more vividly than I remember how cumbersome and ungainly driver-seat sex actually is. That, my friends, is a car chase worth sticking on the fridge.

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Hard Target GifTip #3: Have a Clear Underdog

Some of the best car chase scenes only feature one car. In Joseph Gordon-Levitt’s criminally underseen Premium Rush, our hyphenated hero flees a pursuing cop on a bicycle. And in Jean-Claude Van Damme’s magnum opus Hard Target, he plays Chance Boudreaux, a mulleted and awesomely-named ne’er-do-well who flees by motorcycle, on foot, and on a goddamn horse. Now that’s a cause worth slow-clapping for. When one person is running for his life while a maniacal person with a deathwish does the pursuing, the audience can sense the enormity of the stakes, usually in their testicles. Amirite guys? Guys?! Hey, where’d everyone go?!

Tip #4: Stock your Scene with Memorable Vehicles

The car chases involving Will Ferrell’s Prius in The Other Guys work for only one reason: even Prius owners think that Priuses (Priusi?) are terrible and completely nutless. It’s a knowing wink to all other car chases, which routinely ratchet up the badassness to crazy levels using iconic vehicles, simply as a matter of course. Bullitt and Steve McQueen’s Mustang are basically synonymous. The General Lee in Dukes of Hazzard somehow manages to make the Confederate Flag fashionable again. And Gone in 60 Seconds even gives the central car a fucking woman’s name, which Nic Cage moans in his bedroom voice for 100 or so minutes. No one seems to think that all his breathless pining is even a little weird, simply because the car is so undeniably cool. Such is the power of “Eleanor.” Or maybe it’s the power of Nic Cage. No one can know for sure.

Gone in 60 GifTip #5: Have a Definitive Climax

Somewhere, far away, Michael Bay and Jerry Bruckheimer just touched tips. This is the central hallmark of their entire oeuvre, from the stray streetcar in The Rock, to the devil-may-care highway carnage of Bad Boys, to the “Fuck it, why not” aesthetic of all four Transformers movies. It’s also especially true of the Fast and Furious franchise, which has managed to gross over $2 billion while only killing one Paul Walker. Vin Diesel has growled over countless chases, each of which ends in an explosion, a catchphrase, or–ideally–both. “Ride or die, remember?” Sure do, Vin. Sure do.

Tip #6: Raise the Stakes with a Tangential Life-or-Death Event

I’m of the opinion that there are two kinds of people: those who think Midnight Run is the greatest movie of all time, and those who have never seen Midnight Run. The story centers on Bob De Niro’s bounty hunter trying to deliver the dad from Beethoven to some shady dudes, and hilarity ensues. But it reaches all-time-great status because, apart from the classical chase elements, it’s understood that lives are at stake. This is also true of Nic Cage’s shithead brother in Gone in 60 Seconds, Charlize Theron’s deceased father in The Italian Job, and every harebrained scene in the National Treasure films. Because you know what’s even greater than a typical chase? Why, a chase involving the stolen Declaration of Independence, of course!

The only problem with movie chase scenes is, admittedly, that there are just so goddamn many of them. It gets tricky to distinguish the great ones from the also-rans that just had some spare WWE wrestlers and Corvettes lying around and said, “Hey, we’ve got a movie!” It’s best to follow the rules above, and maybe just leave John Cena out of it altogether.

Or, when in doubt, hire Nic Cage. That guy could film two chase scenes and be home evading his taxes by lunchtime.

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Tyler is a writer and pastor's kid who infrequently writes about being a pastor's kid. A full-time automotive journalist, Tyler buoys himself with car facts that might kill a more reasonable person.

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Ford Continues to Please Minivan-Skeptic Soccer Moms

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Ford Aerostar Minivan Exterior Does Ford Still Make

If the words Aerostar, Windstar and Freestar mean anything to you, you know that Ford is responsible for some of the best minivans ever made. Beginning with the first model Aerostar in 1986, Ford’s snub-nosed minivan set the standard of what would be created by automotive manufacturers in this class for decades.

The Aerostar was also the first minivan in the United States to feature upgraded, luxury packages. With an XLT package, and Eddie Bauer trim levels, the Ford Aerostar allowed drivers to bring passengers, cargo and more in style. For the first time, drivers could take advantage of the versatile and reliable minivan platform, without sacrificing comfort and convenience.

Does Ford Still Make a Minivan?

The Aerostar continued in the mid-90s as the Ford Windstar. The Windstar was a complete reinvention, shifting the drivetrain from RWD to FWD, and bringing the flagship minivan more in line with current minivan design. The Windstar became the Freestar in the early 2000s, lasting until the 2007 model year, with the final Ford “Star line” minivan rolling off the assembly line in December of 2006.

While we don’t know for sure what was behind Ford’s decision to discontinue their family-marketed minivan, we can take a guess. For starters, Ford has extended their reputation for reliable cars and trucks into the crossover market. With options covering a wide range of size and seating configurations (everything from the subcompact Ford Ecosport to the boxy family hauler Ford Flex), crossovers have become the new favorite for family vehicles.

Ford’s versatile crossover line has a vehicle that can meet almost any need. Do you have a small family? Go with the popular 2018 Ford Escape. Big family with lots of stuff to haul? The 2018 Ford Expedition has your back.

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Although crossovers and SUVs provide some distinct advantages (presence of AWD, higher ground clearance, and uni-body construction), the market for minivans hasn’t completely died, and neither has Ford’s commitment to providing drivers with a competent and compelling option.

Good News: Ford Still Makes a Passenger Minivan

ford transit connect passenger van in solar color_oAlthough Ford’s marketing has shifted toward promoting their incredible range of crossovers and SUVs as family choices, they still offer a more traditional minivan in the Ford Transit Connect Passenger Wagon. Utilizing the same body construction as the Ford Transit cargo van, the Transit Connect Passenger Wagon features up to 7 seats, and plenty of standard safety and comfort technology.

Lower ride height (easier in and out), sliding doors and greater visibility are among the reasons people still prefer vans for transporting their families. Additionally, the more contoured shape of most crossovers (not looking at you, Ford Flex) means that vans provide better cargo room! Family of four traveling cross-state with three suitcases? A Ford Explorer should be a great option.

Family of six, with a dog and 10 bags going cross-country, however, and the Ford Transit Connect Passenger Wagon starts to look a lot more up to the job.

Ford has a sterling reputation across the spectrum of vehicles they manufacture. Although the Transit Connect Passenger Wagon isn’t among their more well-known, it’s among the most competent and best value options in the minivan class.

 

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I Wasn’t Always a Dale Jr Fan – But Now I Get It

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It was the crowning moment of the career of Nascar’s most popular driver. The 2004 Daytona 500. The chosen son, Dale Earnhardt Jr, had won the race that his father tragically died competing in only three years earlier.

Reports of the day say that everyone in the crowd was on their feet, cheering. Grown men were in tears. It was quite the moment, they say.

Well, I can tell you that there was at least one person that wasn’t cheering. That’s because I was that lone defector. (more…)

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The Essence Of 90’s Chevy Truck Commercials

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If you ever watched television for more than an hour at any time during the 90’s, you probably remember Chevy’s “Like a Rock” commercials. They aired on just about every channel, so they were pretty hard to miss—and pretty hard to forget as well. Even two decades later the sound of Bob Seger belting out those now-famous words is still shockingly memorable. (more…)

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