5 Car Pranks That I Would Hate To Be The Victim Of

My mischievous high school days are well behind me, but regardless of my age, I don’t believe I will ever tire of feasting my eyes on a well-crafted prank. I say well-crafted because in the day and age of YouTube, it’s quite easy to find channels-worth of “pranks” that are essentially just groups of morons saying or doing anything to fish in a couple of pitiful views and who try to save themselves from getting their asses beat by yelling out “YO, IT’S JUST A PRANK, BRO. CHILL.”

Last night one of my co-workers posted a picture of a well-crafted, yet poorly-executed prank that he pulled on a fellow co-worker’s car, and I couldn’t help but be disappointed. Packing a car full of leaves, styrofoam peanuts, shredded paper or just about anything that is harmless—but still a bitch to clean up—is one of the most priceless pranks out there. Covering the front seats with a couple handfuls of leaves on the other hand, is just weak.

The way I see it, when it comes to pranks, if you’re going to be a dick you might as well just be a full-out asshole. Which leads me to the following:

5 Car Pranks That I Would Hate To Be The Victim Of

1. Relocation

As I am one of those people who pays their car loan a few days late every month and who gets sick pleasure out of watching shitty shows like “Repo Games,” I could honestly say that this is one prank that I would never want to fall victim to.

Everyday I live in fear that I will walk outside and find that my car is no longer there, and if I ever came face to face with an empty parking space while my car were unknowingly parked a block away, I would probably lose my shit. Thankfully, having only one key to my ride minimizes the chances of this happening to me.

2. Broken Window

I’m not saying that you should go take a hammer to your friend’s window and tell them it was all in good fun. While that is definitely an option, if you don’t want to get punched in the face or lose said friend, you can roll down one of the windows and stage a scene with some broken glass on the seat and around the outside of the car.

This is another one of those harmful pranks that is bound to elicit an immediate, pissed off reaction. Harmless, of course, if you make sure that all the glass is cleaned off the seat after they realize that you were just being a prick.

3. Filling It To The Brim

As I said before, filling up a car with some sort of object that won’t kill the interior or bring down the value is a classic prank if executed properly. It comes in at number three because like the first two it isn’t in the least bit damaging, but it’s definitely more of a pain in the ass and requires the victim to spend quite a bit of time cleaning out their interior.

If my car were ever packed full of leaves, I could honestly just see myself brushing most of them out and cruising around with the rest of them until they decomposed because I’m a lazy son of a bitch like that. Investing in a leaf blower would also not be a bad idea, but that would cost money and I need that for my car loan.

4. Eggs and Bologna

If you really want to raise some hell, these two foods are the ways to go. Whipping a couple of eggs at the side of a car or slapping some slimy, preservative-filled bologna on the body is a sure way to royally fuck up the exterior. It’s more of an act of vandalism than it is a prank, but whatever you want to call it, all I know is that being the victim of either eggs or bologna is not something that I want to be. Using either of these foods on a car instantly takes you from being a dick to an asshole. There is no doubt about it.

5. Putting It On Blocks

When it comes to pranks, putting someone’s car on cinder blocks could possibly be the worst of worst. You can still drive when you’re hauling hundreds of leaves around, and your engine isn’t going to fail from a couple slabs of paint-stripping bologna stuck to the hood, but when your wheels are off the ground, you’re properly fucked.

The only jack I own is the shitty one that came with the purchase of my car, and if you have ever used one of those to put on a spare, you likely know that there is nothing that makes you want to kill yourself more. Seeing as it would probably be a day’s worth of work for me to get all four wheels screwed back on, I don’t think there is any prank that I would dread more than this one.

Now comes the hard part. Keeping my half-assed-prank-pulling co-worker from reading this.