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How Basic Is Your Car?
2014 will certainly go down as the year the basic bitch rose to power, and as far as I’m concerned we are all better for it. You can scoff all you want at the brunch-Instagramming, scented candle-sniffing, about-yoga-raving women (and men) around you, but you know what? That bitch knows how to have a good time and isn’t ashamed of liking things just because other people like them. Yawn to that, anyway. So let’s embrace our inner basic bitch today (she probably smells like coconut shampoo and you know damn well you love that shit, too) and talk about cars. Maybe not the most basic bitch topic of all time, but bitches need transportation, too. The Starbucks window isn’t going to drive through itself.
Here are some signs that you’re driving a basic bitch-mobile:
- It’s blue.
- Your console area contains the following items: gum, a sticky air freshener thingy, and a hair tie for when you just gotta get that shit off your neck for a minute and you will probably use it to make a messy-on-purpose bun of sorts.
- You get about 154 horsepower (but you don’t know that).
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There’s a decal anywhere on it that you have and will continue to use the word “fun” to describe. If said decal is a stick-figure depiction of your family in descending height order, you are a basic mom bitch (your mommy blog is getting all kinds of traffic ever since your tirade about breastfeeding went semi-viral; your eldest child is very embarrassed about the whole thing and the other kids at school call her “boobytitter” now).
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You are “so obsessed” with your heated seats.
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Our recent article about Kim Kardashian’s car collection made you mad because you’re sick of people saying she doesn’t deserve to be famous. Whatever, they’re obvs just jealous.
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Your key ring has a fuzzy thing on it. Or something pertaining to your zodiac sign. So Capricorn of you!
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Somewhere in your car you have a separate pair of shoes because “you try driving in platforms.” Also you got that reference immediately.
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One might use the word “zippy” when describing it. You certainly have.
To be sure, some of these pertain a lot more to the person driving it than the car itself. But such is the nature of the basic bitch, imbuing all aspects of her live-laugh-loving life with her basicality. You should see her bedroom. Adorbs!
If you glimpsed a bit of yourself in any of the above, there’s no need to be ashamed. Just like that thing you shared on Facebook this morning says: ~*~Love yourself first, and everything will work out as it should. ~*~
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Ford Continues to Please Minivan-Skeptic Soccer Moms
If the words Aerostar, Windstar and Freestar mean anything to you, you know that Ford is responsible for some of the best minivans ever made. Beginning with the first model Aerostar in 1986, Ford’s snub-nosed minivan set the standard of what would be created by automotive manufacturers in this class for decades.
The Aerostar was also the first minivan in the United States to feature upgraded, luxury packages. With an XLT package, and Eddie Bauer trim levels, the Ford Aerostar allowed drivers to bring passengers, cargo and more in style. For the first time, drivers could take advantage of the versatile and reliable minivan platform, without sacrificing comfort and convenience.
Does Ford Still Make a Minivan?
The Aerostar continued in the mid-90s as the Ford Windstar. The Windstar was a complete reinvention, shifting the drivetrain from RWD to FWD, and bringing the flagship minivan more in line with current minivan design. The Windstar became the Freestar in the early 2000s, lasting until the 2007 model year, with the final Ford “Star line” minivan rolling off the assembly line in December of 2006.
While we don’t know for sure what was behind Ford’s decision to discontinue their family-marketed minivan, we can take a guess. For starters, Ford has extended their reputation for reliable cars and trucks into the crossover market. With options covering a wide range of size and seating configurations (everything from the subcompact Ford Ecosport to the boxy family hauler Ford Flex), crossovers have become the new favorite for family vehicles.
Ford’s versatile crossover line has a vehicle that can meet almost any need. Do you have a small family? Go with the popular 2018 Ford Escape. Big family with lots of stuff to haul? The 2018 Ford Expedition has your back.
Although crossovers and SUVs provide some distinct advantages (presence of AWD, higher ground clearance, and uni-body construction), the market for minivans hasn’t completely died, and neither has Ford’s commitment to providing drivers with a competent and compelling option.
Good News: Ford Still Makes a Passenger Minivan
Although Ford’s marketing has shifted toward promoting their incredible range of crossovers and SUVs as family choices, they still offer a more traditional minivan in the Ford Transit Connect Passenger Wagon. Utilizing the same body construction as the Ford Transit cargo van, the Transit Connect Passenger Wagon features up to 7 seats, and plenty of standard safety and comfort technology.
Lower ride height (easier in and out), sliding doors and greater visibility are among the reasons people still prefer vans for transporting their families. Additionally, the more contoured shape of most crossovers (not looking at you, Ford Flex) means that vans provide better cargo room! Family of four traveling cross-state with three suitcases? A Ford Explorer should be a great option.
Family of six, with a dog and 10 bags going cross-country, however, and the Ford Transit Connect Passenger Wagon starts to look a lot more up to the job.
Ford has a sterling reputation across the spectrum of vehicles they manufacture. Although the Transit Connect Passenger Wagon isn’t among their more well-known, it’s among the most competent and best value options in the minivan class.
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I Wasn’t Always a Dale Jr Fan – But Now I Get It
It was the crowning moment of the career of Nascar’s most popular driver. The 2004 Daytona 500. The chosen son, Dale Earnhardt Jr, had won the race that his father tragically died competing in only three years earlier.
Reports of the day say that everyone in the crowd was on their feet, cheering. Grown men were in tears. It was quite the moment, they say.
Well, I can tell you that there was at least one person that wasn’t cheering. That’s because I was that lone defector. (more…)
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The Essence Of 90’s Chevy Truck Commercials
If you ever watched television for more than an hour at any time during the 90’s, you probably remember Chevy’s “Like a Rock” commercials. They aired on just about every channel, so they were pretty hard to miss—and pretty hard to forget as well. Even two decades later the sound of Bob Seger belting out those now-famous words is still shockingly memorable. (more…)
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