Car WTFs
A Funny Thing Happened On The Way To The Aventador: An Appreciation
During the buildup to this, the most super of all the bowls in all the land, even the most sportsball-averse citizens among us are pretty helpless to avoid the sort of soggy thinkpieces and misplaced sanctimoniousness that can singlehandedly keep the entire Clydesdale-breeding industry in the black. Have a look here at Russell Wilson, who overcame his chronic itty-bittiness and a wife-fucking teammate (Allegedly!!) to lead his team to the game’s grandest stage! And over there, Patriots quarterback and erstwhile UGG model Tom Brady is enjoying another quiet moment with his Peyton Manning voodoo doll!
But then there’s Marshawn Lynch, a Skittle-powered, gold-grilled wrecking ball of a running back for whom phrases such as “That’s just (person’s name) being (the same person’s name)” were created, and who famously prefers to let his game (and an occasional hoodie) speak for him. His teammates and fans love him, while a bellicose media competes for Lebowski-esque morsels such as, “I’m just about that action, boss…. Ain’t never seen no talkin’ win me nothing.” That is, you see, just Marshawn being Marshawn.
And what could a man who just gets so overjoyed with each touchdown that he grabs his dick and balls in the direction of the vanquished possibly add to an automotive website? Well, there’s this:
@FieldGulls beastmode’s Lambo, complete with velvet ropes. pic.twitter.com/5nZXwY1gKf
— chuck brezina (@chuckbrezina) July 22, 2014
As with all things Marshawn, we don’t sweat the “whats” and the “whys” and the “are-you-highs.” This sort of hole-poking would be uncivil. What we do instead is this: we take pleasure in the knowledge that somewhere out there lives a man, and that this man makes a lot of money. Like, enough money to buy a $400,000 Lamborghini Aventador. But where most reasonable people would only rarely pull it out of the garage and oh helllllll no I’m not parking it on the street in Oakland bitch you crazy?, this rarest of peculiar gemstones has the brass-balled wherewithal to say, “Fuck it, I’ll just get myself some velvet ropes and park it wherever the fuck I please.”
That’s just Marshawn being Marshawn, and it’s a wonder that anyone ever aspires to be anything else.
Many of us thought that the Dodge Challenger Hellcat was about as intimidating as a car could get. After all, people couldn’t hardly get them off the lot without crashing them when they first came out. Then Dodge upped the ante with the new Demon. But aside from the raw power, there are some other interesting aspects of the new Demon.
Check out the video below for a full rundown of just how unique this car is.
Think you finally have your Mercedes names mastered? Well, a new challenge appears to be coming, friend.
How to now identify Mercedes models by name
Some moves in the northwoods of Canada by the brand appear to signal a change in the naming conventions that will be used for Mercedes and AMG models. Candian trademarks have been filed for A 40, CLA 40, SLC 40, SLC 50 and GLE 50 in addition to CLA 53, G73 and S73.
If this proves true in the states, it would signal an end to the rule of two digits for Mercedes, three-digits for AMG counterparts. The new world would be two digits, ending in a “0” for Mercedes, and two digits ending in a “3” for AMG. This supports rumors of an AMG ‘73’ model with a hybrid powertrain.
While this change isn’t terribly difficult to comprehend, it certainly makes things interesting when comparing legacy and upcoming Mercedes models. There are a lot of numbers to keep straight, and a lot of explaining to do. And the letter and number combos leave something to be desired in terms of cachet.
It makes one appreciate the simplicity of giving each vehicle an actual name, like the domestic manufacturers do. Sure, that’s how we ended up with the Chevy Nova, but what are you going to do? There are only so many names, surely one for an automobile would end up meaning “no go” in some language, right?…
I like my car. It’s a 2011 Toyota toaster, I mean Camry. If you made a list of everything a car has to do, the Camry would check all the boxes. It gets me from point A to point B with the consistency a learning golfer would envy. It’s a toaster. You put in the bread, choose your level of toastiness, push down the thingy and then wait for it to pop up. But there is one interesting thing about my car. The shifter. That’s it up there. That is definitely not conventional at all. So, what’s with Toyota’s weird shifter pattern? (more…)
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