GM’s Desperate Attempt to Hype Up 2016 Chevy Volt Cannot Be Camouflaged

Car WTFs

Sep 30, 2014

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Yes, I know. I swore that I would leave the Volt alone after sounding the smug alert on the Chevy Volt Owners Facebook page, but after seeing the latest press release from General Motors, that promise must be broken. I refuse to sit idly by as GM calls the styling of the next-generation 2016 Chevy Volt “one of the automotive world’s best-kept secrets.” Doing so would make me a coward.

Before I begin, it’s worth noting that if GM casually mentioned that the upcoming new Volt has one of the most confidential designs in the auto world (SPOILER ALERT: It doesn’t.) in a press release sentence buried between a couple of other, more truthful sentences, I probably wouldn’t have taken the time to call them out. However, their claim was far from discreet.

Instead, the shameless reference to the Volt’s top secret new look was published as the opening sentence in the aforementioned press release, which, mind you, was exclusively dedicated to informing the masses about the Volt’s top secret new look.

You know, because top secret.

“We are like a dress maker, and the car is our model.” – GM Camouflage Engineer Lionel Perkins

To keep the secret even more secretive, GM complemented the press release with a photo of the camouflaged 2016 Chevy Volt, which can be seen above. Don’t worry though. Its new identity has not been compromised. According to the automaker, the swirl-laden vinyl skin is just one of many that has been seen on the exterior of the Volt. That’s because every time that an adjustment is made to the Volt, the design engineers are needlessly changing its disguise as well.

“Each car is unique. We are like a dress maker, and the car is our model,” said GM Camouflage Engineer Lionel Perkins. “No two models are the same. We need to make the right dress that fits the body we are dealing with.”

By layering camouflage, altering the design of the black and white swirls and affixing bubble wrap to the exterior, the dress makers claim that they are able to better “confuse prying eyes.” Don’t flatter yourselves, GM. It’s the Chevy Volt for Christ’s sake.

When most new vehicles that are actually deserving of ever-changing camouflage hit the streets for road tests, keeping them from the automotive paparazzi is nearly impossible. The veteran photographers are aware of the most common testing tracks and will stake out the locations, going as far as to hide in trees to get the shots that are worthy of pleasing online enthusiasts.

I have a hard time believing that anyone out there is willing to climb trees to snap a picture of the Volt, and the fact that GM had to go out of their way to distribute a press release highlighting its new design is further evidence of that. It’s clear that the 2016 Chevy Volt is not getting the press that GM wanted it to, so now they are unveiling their not-so-secret camouflage methods in a depressing effort to bring attention to the plug-in hybrid electric vehicle.

If you’re interested in laying those “prying eyes” of yours on the most mindlessly-kept secret in the automotive world, you’ll have to wait until the Detroit Auto Show in January, which is when GM plans to publicly peel the dress of the 2016 Chevy Volt off for the first time.

However, based on the automaker’s desperate, attention-seeking press release, I would imagine that we will be getting a couple of upskirt shots before then.