Kim Kardashian Breaks Internet, So Nissan Breaks Her


Tyler is a writer and pastor's kid who infrequently writes about being a pastor's kid. A full-time automotive journalist, Tyler buoys himself with car facts that might kill a more reasonable person.

 2015 Nissan GT-R2015 Kim Kardashian
Engine3.8L Twin-Turbocharged V6The E! Network
Output600 hp / 481 lb-ftNorth West
Seating CapacityFour PassengersTwo Honeybaked Hams
"If there were any justice in the world, ______""...I'd get to drive a GT-R just once before Satan called me home.""...I'd have no idea who this fucking person is."

Nissan, God bless ‘em. While most of us were glibly dismissing the latest Kim Kardashian media assault as so much baby-oiled piffle (or, perhaps more likely, going “Incognito Mode” at work), the fine folks of Nissan Corporate were happy to mock Ray J’s scraps as she humbly claimed that she could, quote/unquote, “#BreakTheInternet.”

Okay, they said. Let’s see what you’ve got. Our internet is mighty, and shan’t be broken by your brazen (and bronzen?) attempts to shift our focus from the task at hand. Which is, namely, to opportunistically promote our badass supercar. And, if we get to toss a little shade at America’s most bewildering cultural export, well, that would be pretty terrific as well.


Oh, shiiiit. You hear that? That whimpering you faintly hear in the distance is Kanye West throwing a “fish sticks”-style tantrum about the fact that Nissan would deign itself worthy of comparing his beloved’s considerable ass to, well, the back of a fucking car. While there might be more damning comparisons to make when a woman’s ass is concerned–insert Yo Momma joke here–Nissan’s slight has gone global several times over. While one of our competitors set out to break the internet, the more cynical competitor might have been satisfied to simply break the pokerface of the other.

This comparison was over before it started, and poor Kim-K never truly had a chance. When Nissan put the martini glass on the rear spoiler, you knew that this was only the least-offensive option of a half-dozen IMDb-trolling digs that might have required their own diss track on Kanye’s next brilliant and mostly unlistenable album.

Game, Nissan.


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1 Comment

  1. dale

    Apr 25, 2015 at 7:42 am

    they’re both a couple of no-gratitude,spoiled people who have no concept of what reality is beyond going to the toilet. you both need to get over your sense of entitlement,get onyour knees, and thank whatever God you pray to for being so forgiving towards idiots like the both of you. GET A GRIP,DUMBASSES!!

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