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Holy Sh*t! “Jim” Really Did It This Time!

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jeep in fox river oshkosh wi

Whenever police find an abandoned vehicle, a set of standard questions come into play; who owns the vehicle, why was it left where it was left, how will the owner get the vehicle away from the area. Those questions become more, um, pointed, when a quarter of the vehicle is hanging precariously over a thinly frozen river and the rest has come to rest on wood-planked pedestrian walkway. Sometime during the night of Jan. 16 or in the predawn hours of Jan. 17, a Jeep Cherokee of indeterminate year was found with the rear left wheel hanging over the Fox River in Oshkosh, Wisconsin behind Becket’s restaurant.

jeep in fox river Oshkosh wiThe story, as reported by Jennifer K. Woldt for the Oshkosh Northwestern newspaper, says that a passerby alerted police to the nonstandard parking space a little before 9 a.m. on Jan. 17. Using the latest in crime scene investigation techniques, like running the vehicle’s information using the clearly visible license plate, Oshkosh police were able to track down the registered owner, a 23-year-old man from a Milwaukee suburb.

It would stand to reason that police would have a number of those previously-mentioned pointed questions for the young owner. We haven’t read the police report, but our sharp legal minds at CarDebater would surmise the questioning went something like this: “What the fuck were you doing?” and “In the name of all things holy, how the shit did you get out of that Jeep?” and probably ended with, “Who didn’t hug you enough as a child to make you think you can pull dumbass shit like this?”

The unidentified owner of the Jeep Grand Cherokee apparently had little to offer to the police’s well reasoned (we think) line of questioning except to say that he certainly wasn’t driving the Jeep. The man told police (who are not stupid or on their first day of work) that his friend “Jim” was the one driving the vehicle. Sounds good to us. Let’s just review the facts: 1. A vehicle parked on a pedestrian-only riverwalk. Check. 2. Said vehicle is now hanging ass-first over a river with nary enough ice to walk across. Check. 3. “Jim” was driving. Check and double check.

Either “Jim” is the luckiest prick on the planet or, more likely, because there were no witnesses to the shenanigans, police didn’t arrest the man and called a tow truck to get the Jeep back on the road.

We are betting “Jim” is getting a bill for that tow truck and a stern talking about driving safety from the unidentified Jeep owner.

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*This story was originally reported in the Oshkosh Northwestern.

Mike Krumrei is an accomplished writer, former journalist and participation trophy recipient. Despite not driving a vehicle for several years, his theoretical knowledge of the practice allows for a more fluid discussion of the finer points of almost any vehicle including cup holders and vanity mirrors. During his brief driving career, the first car he was in that started on fire was a 1990 Ford Taurus. He currently writes for phantomcopy.com.

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Car WTFs

The Most Interesting Aspects of the Dodge Demon

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hellcat demon engine

Many of us thought that the Dodge Challenger Hellcat was about as intimidating as a car could get. After all, people couldn’t hardly get them off the lot without crashing them when they first came out. Then Dodge upped the ante with the new Demon. But aside from the raw power, there are some other interesting aspects of the new Demon.

Check out the video below for a full rundown of just how unique this car is.

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Car WTFs

Mercedes Names May Be Getting More Confusing

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mercedes naming gls coupe

Think you finally have your Mercedes names mastered? Well, a new challenge appears to be coming, friend.

How to now identify Mercedes models by name

Some moves in the northwoods of Canada by the brand appear to signal a change in the naming conventions that will be used for Mercedes and AMG models. Candian trademarks have been filed for  A 40, CLA 40, SLC 40, SLC 50 and GLE 50 in addition to CLA 53, G73 and S73.

If this proves true in the states, it would signal an end to the rule of two digits for Mercedes, three-digits for AMG counterparts. The new world would be two digits, ending in a “0” for Mercedes, and two digits ending in a “3” for AMG. This supports rumors of  an AMG ‘73’ model with a hybrid powertrain.

While this change isn’t terribly difficult to comprehend, it certainly makes things interesting when comparing legacy and upcoming Mercedes models. There are a lot of numbers to keep straight, and a lot of explaining to do. And the letter and number combos leave something to be desired in terms of cachet.

Oh, it’s got cachet baby!

It makes one appreciate the simplicity of giving each vehicle an actual name, like the domestic manufacturers do. Sure, that’s how we ended up with the Chevy Nova, but what are you going to do? There are only so many names, surely one for an automobile would end up meaning “no go” in some language, right?…

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Car WTFs

What’s with Toyota’s weird shifter pattern?

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"What's the Toyota's weird shifter pattern?" image of 2011 Toyota Camry shifter

I like my car. It’s a 2011 Toyota toaster, I mean Camry. If you made a list of everything a car has to do, the Camry would check all the boxes. It gets me from point A to point B with the consistency a learning golfer would envy. It’s a toaster. You put in the bread, choose your level of toastiness, push down the thingy and then wait for it to pop up. But there is one interesting thing about my car. The shifter. That’s it up there. That is definitely not conventional at all. So, what’s with Toyota’s weird shifter pattern? (more…)

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