Major Cities Continue To Discriminate Against Obese SUVs

When it comes to owning a car, you really can’t win these days. If you buy a small car you stare death in the face every time that you get behind the wheel, and if you buy an oversized SUV, you’re going to pay more for parking—at least that’s the case in bigger cities such as Boston, Manhattan and San Francisco.

The news comes from a study conducted by MarketWatch, which found that some parking garages in bigger cities are charging up to $10 to $15 more per day for oversized vehicles. There are even some parking garages that forbid oversized SUVs from parking there at all. Needless to say, this is absolute bullshit.

For years, the morbidly obese have gotten away with paying the same price as everyone else at all-you-can-eat buffets, because that’s the way that it should be. They take up one chair, just like an oversized vehicle takes up one parking stall. Just because a larger vehicle takes up a little more space in the stall does not mean that garages should be charging more to use it.

The worst part about all of this is that the trend is likely to spread. Parking is an absolute necessity, and in cities big enough to require parking garages, free parking is typically hard to come by. It’s for that reason that oversized vehicle owners will be forced to pay the extra money, because it will be the only option. Damn you, greedy parking garage owners.

If the whole overcharging for parking overpriced SUVs thing takes off, there’s a damn good chance that you won’t see as many SUVs cruising around bigger cities. Filling up the tank is already ridiculously expensive, and if people are forced to pay an extra $15 a day to park them, they’re going to become some of the most financially impractical vehicles on the market.

Where do we draw the line here? It won’t be long before oversized SUV owners will be paying more to get their car washed, and shelling out more change for tolls because SUVs aren’t eco-friendly and their added weight puts the state’s roads under more stress.

This all may sound pretty ridiculous now, but when you consider the fact that emissions standards will soon be stricter and that unnecessary added costs are getting thrown at SUV owners, it’s highly possible that oversized SUVs will disappear from the market completely.

I predict that it will happen right around the time that McDonalds implements a 50-cent SUV surcharge for the drive-thru because the employees have to strain themselves to lift the bags of food a couple of inches higher.